Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Social Distancing FRIDAY!

Late Evening Snark: Farewell, RBG Version

“This week we, like everybody, are mourning the lack of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Ginsburg fought tirelessly for girls’s equality and civil rights all through her profession, together with greater than 27 years on the Supreme Courtroom. Look, I do know this feels horrible, however I will strive my finest and honor RBG with the phrases my Meemaw as soon as stated to me: Don’t cry as a result of it is over, smile since you’re sufficiently old to purchase booze.”
—Samantha Bee

“I can’t imagine Donald J. Trump will get to call three Justices to the Supreme Courtroom. The man can’t even title three branches of presidency.”
—Trevor Noah


— — — 

“Fifty-one out of 53 Republicans at the moment are on board, whereas the opposite two stick out like masks at a MAGA rally. I nonetheless cannot imagine we’re letting Trump make that alternative. He is horrible at hiring individuals. Everybody he is ever employed is both fired, in jail, or in Steve Bannon’s case, virtually each.”
—Jimmy Fallon

Newest cowl of The New Yorker.

“There’s rising concern that even when he loses, Trump will refuse to go away the White Home. However this is the factor. It is easy—if the American individuals need to assure that Donald Trump will depart us, there’s an easy factor we will do: marry him.”
—Jimmy Kimmel

“Scientists say that fairly quickly robots might be smarter than us. In truth, they’ve began constructing a robotic that wears a masks.”
—Conan O’Brien

“Un-thank you to the virus for conserving us all aside this 12 months. Un-thank you to Trump for his crummy and uncoordinated response. Un-thank you to Boris Johnson and his authorities for doing the identical in my nation. Un-thank you to all of the nationalist and quasi-nationalist governments on the earth which can be precisely the alternative of what we’d like proper now. And un-thank you to the media moguls who accomplish that a lot to maintain them in energy. So, un-thank you.”
Succession creator Jesse Armstrong, throughout his Emmy acceptance speech

“NASA has simply revealed a plan to place the primary girl on the moon. As a part of the plan—that is true—NASA says that the girl might be accompanied by a person, in order that there’s somebody to repeat all of her concepts in a louder voice.”
—James Corden

“In keeping with a brand new research, Hawaii is the happiest state. That story once more: Hawaii is the state furthest away from the remainder of America.”
—Seth Meyers

And now, our characteristic presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, September 25, 2020

Observe: In the present day is National Lobster Day. To make it particularly memorable, breed them in your basement with radioactive isotopes till 40 toes tall after which unleash them on an unsuspecting populace.  Add a humorous hat or water-squirting boutonnière if desired. Get inventive!

By the Numbers:

Voting ends in 39 days!!!

Days ’til voting within the 2020 election ends: 39

Variety of fees in opposition to the Louisville cops for murdering Breonna Taylor in her mattress: 0

% of the U.S. inhabitants that “stays vulnerable” to the coronavirus, in line with the large throbbing head in a glass jar on the CDC: 90%

Biden’s lead over Trump in Ohio, in line with the most recent Fox Information ballot: 5 factors

Biden’s lead over Trump in Pennsylvania, in line with the identical ballot: 7 factors

% probability {that a} new Monmouth ballot exhibits Biden and Trump tied in Georgia: 100%

Minimal variety of People who say they used marijuana up to now 12 months: 37 million

Pet Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…

CHEERS to jeers.  The president of the US, who stands in opposition to every thing—intelligence, decency, equality, the rule of regulation, health of thoughts and physique, marital constancy, studying—that Ruth Bader Ginsburg stood for, had a limo haul his bloated, Adderall-engorged carcass to the Supreme Courtroom the place he stood on the justice’s coffin (masked by Melania so he wouldn’t begin ranting concerning the deep state and the way antifa gangs from anarchy jurisdictions are throwing cans of Bumble Bee Tuna on the suburbs) and pretend-paid his respects as his thoughts wandered off to ideas of this weekend’s golf outings. The gang under, principally girls, wasn’t having it, and so they gave him the reception he deserved:

Trump on the courtroom as crowd chants “vote him out” — it’s uncommon for this President to see his opposition this up-close and in-person

— Kevin Liptak (@Kevinliptakcnn) September 24, 2020

 Someplace within the hereafter, RBG set free an approving “Heh” after which went again to profitable two-out-of-three in her bench-press competitors with God.

JEERS to documenting the atrocities. Your entire nation choked on their hydroxychloroquine capsules this week when the sitting president of the US—I overlook his title—determined to foreshadow a mad grab for unlimited power with a purpose to maintain his ass out of jail after January twentieth, 2021:

President Donald Trump was requested Wednesday whether or not he would decide to a peaceable switch of energy ought to he lose this fall to Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden. The president declined to take action.

“Oh, he’ll depart all proper. Kamala will see to that.”

“Properly, we’ll should see what occurs,” Trump stated. ” that I have been complaining very strongly concerning the ballots, and the ballots are a catastrophe.”

Pressed additional, Trump stated: “We’ll need to have—eliminate the ballots and you will have a really—we’ll have a really peaceable—there will not be a switch, frankly. There will be a continuation.”

Please don’t hate me, however I agree utterly with President Superspreader. I, too, don’t want to have a peaceable switch of energy, and this is why: As Joe Biden is taking the oath, I need to see—as will 75 % of all People—the Secret Service seize Trump by the scruff of the neck and his belt loop, heave him right into a trash can, roll him by the streets of D.C. to Mount Vernon, then down the banks of George Washington’s property and into the Potomac, and watch him float away into the ocean and right down to Mar-A-Lago to await his prison trials. However apart from that? Sure, let’s maintain it civil, individuals.

CHEERS to Nice Moments in Democracy.  On September 25, 1789, the First Federal Congress adopted twelve amendments to the Constitution and FedEx’d them to all 50 states for ratification. Ten of these amendments grew to become the Invoice of Rights. Had this identical occasion occurred in 2020, the Senate Republicans would’ve re-written them to please ALEC, Grover Norquist, the NRA, Franklin Graham, and the remaining Koch brother, then rammed them by with none committee hearings or ground debate. However my level is: Ha Ha! They wore humorous grampa socks again then!


Sea doggo slapping her stomach along with her keeper

— Again To Nature (@backt0nature) September 23, 2020


CHEERS to pulling America out of the ditch. The 2 greatest problems with the 2020 election are—should you don’t embody saving our democracy itself from the unhealthy individuals—the coronavirus pandemic/well being care and the financial system. Solely the red-hatted cultists who imagine masks are sewn by Devil himself assume Trump is extra succesful than Biden in coping with the previous. As for the latter, journalism superhero Kevin Drum at Mom Jones has seen the most recent evaluation by Moody’s, and Republicans, as usual, got nothin’ on Team D:

In each potential class, a Democratic sweep is best for the nation than every other situation. Moody’s even initiatives that Democrats could be higher for the price range deficit than Republicans. […]

Put a Republican businessman in cost, they stated. It’ll be nice, they stated. 

[I]t’s fairly simple to summarize. If Democrats win, they’ll spend cash to stimulate the financial system out of its COVID-19 funk and this may assist all people. The spending will largely be financed by taxing the wealthy, which has solely a small detrimental impact on the financial system. But when Republicans win, they’ll maintain the purse strings closed and as a substitute pursue but extra tax cuts for the wealthy and commerce wars with China. Neither one is very good for the financial system. It’s so easy.

The report coincides with our facet’s new official slogan for the ultimate stretch of the marketing campaign: “Democrats—Go About Your Enterprise, Of us, We’ll Clear This Up. We At all times Do.”

JEERS to shut calls. Sixty-five years in the past this week, in 1955, shares dropped like a rock…the quickest price since 1929.  The numbers sound positively quaint right this moment:

The Dow Jones dropped 6.5%, 32 factors, to 455, with a complete paper lack of $14 billion, the most important ever.

Purpose: Eisenhower’s coronary heart assault.  Shares rapidly recovered, although, when the nation realized he was still the president.  Or, to be completely correct, when the nation realized that Richard Nixon wasn’t.

Additionally this weekend (Sunday evening at 9 on Showtime): Jeff Daniels is James Comey whereas Brendan Gleeson chews the surroundings as Trump.

CHEERS to residence vegetation. This is a number of the stuff which will or is probably not flickering in your teevee display this weekend. Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow are required viewing, however not earlier than watching the brand new pandemic-adapted Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! for his or her blood pressure-lowering clackity-clacks and Trebek’s dulcet tones. (For a man battling pancreatic most cancers, he nonetheless completely guidelines that set.) Rep. Val Demings discusses the Supreme Courtroom emptiness tonight on PBS’s Firing Line. On HBO’s Actual Time at 10, Invoice Maher talks with Sen. Bernie Sanders, Jim Belushi, and CNN analyst Bakari Sellers.

The preferred residence movies, new and outdated, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (I’m at the moment binge-watching the 5 seasons of Schitt’s Creek after the comedy sequence’ sweep of the Emmys final Sunday.) The NFL schedule is here. The NBA schedule is here and the WNBA schedule is here, whereas the Stanley Cup ultimate schedule is here and the baseball lineup is here. Tomorrow evening SNL re-airs the episode that earned Eddie Murphy an Emmy final weekend.

On 60 Minutes: legendary wildlife filmmaker David Attenborough on the local weather disaster, and an replace on felon voting rights in Florida. The 325th season of The Simpsons begins Sunday with Mr. Burns going beneath cowl as “Fred” on the nuclear plant, and on the 187th season premiere of Household Man Stewie lastly says his first phrase. Then, scorching off his Emmy win, John Oliver roars again to HBO Sunday evening at 11 with a contemporary episode of Final Week Tonight.

Now this is your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: Former NSA chief Lt. Common H.R. McPufnstuf; Sens. Cory Booker (D-NJ) and Roy Blunt (R-Trump Cult); new NBC Information/Marist ballot numbers out of Michigan and Wisconsin.

Additionally Sunday morning: the ghost of LBJ provides his “Texas-hot suggestions” for managing wild pandemic hair.

This Week: Sens. Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Mike Lee (R-Trump Cult); 

Face the Nation: Former CDC director Dr. Tom Frieden.

CNN’s State of the UnionSpeaker Nancy Pelosi; our subsequent First Woman Jill Biden; Sens. Joe Manchin (D-WV) and Tom Cotton (R-Trump Cult).

Fox GOP Speaking Factors Sunday: Sens. Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) and John Kennedy (R-LA), the latter a highly-educated, highly-intelligent lawyer who will once more faux to be a rustic bumpkin confused by all these liberal metropolis people so he received’t offend his base; Lawrence Tribe is on the pundit panel. (Observe: Brit Hume might be visitor internet hosting as a result of Chris Wallace couldn’t probably spend an hour asking softball questions whereas he’s concurrently making ready to ask ridiculously easy questions off a cocktail serviette when he hosts subsequent week’s Biden-Trump debate.)

 Pleased viewing!

Ten years in the past in C&J: September 25, 2010

CHEERS to packin’ up the Union Jack. Britain’s message to Iraq and its American occupiers: “Sure, effectively, it has been jolly good enjoyable I can let you know.  However, you see, the factor is…methods to put this politely…we’re form of getting sick and uninterested in coping with rebellious chaps who would reasonably reduce our balls off than sit down for a spot of tea and kippers.  Most uncivilized, after all, however there it’s.  So have enjoyable, Yanks, we’re getting the hell out of here. Ta Ta!”  Bye bye, Brits! See ya on the subsequent struggle!

And only one extra…

CHEERS to returning to that quiet little white-bread redneck mountain city. After a year-long hiatus, the children from South Park are again subsequent week, and so they’re weighing in on the coronavirus pandemic with an hour-long episode Wednesday evening. You’ve got been such an ideal viewers this week, this is a preview:

Bear in mind when this present was once the craziest factor on TV? Now it’s full-on second of zen. Loopy.

Have an ideal weekend. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about right this moment?

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